


we ain't too pretty, we ain't too proud

by agoldenblackbird (mass_hipgnosis)



Series: sooner or later it comes down to fate [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 03:45:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8385958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mass_hipgnosis/pseuds/agoldenblackbird
Summary: Tony Stark is unprepared to meet his soulmate.  She's not expecting him either.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Не слишком симпатичные и не очень-то гордые](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11540220) by [Bat_out_of_hell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bat_out_of_hell/pseuds/Bat_out_of_hell), [fandom_All_Avengers_and_MCU_2017](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandom_All_Avengers_and_MCU_2017/pseuds/fandom_All_Avengers_and_MCU_2017)
  * Inspired by [i've been drinking, pour me a glass](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1752845) by [agoldenblackbird (mass_hipgnosis)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mass_hipgnosis/pseuds/agoldenblackbird). 



> It occurred to me that Tony and Darcy's first words to each other in websterverse would be _hilarious_ in a Soulmate AU.

When Tony stumbled into the Tower's communal kitchen at eleven in the morning on a quest for Twinkies there was a pretty brunette already in there working away on a laptop (piece of shit DELL, he was tempted to chuck it out the window) and taking sips from a cup of coffee the size of her head.

 

“Nice ass,” she said with a smirk, and Tony looked down to see that he was not wearing pants. Huh.

 

“Nice rack,” he said, not to be outdone. It wasn't like it wasn't _true._ He turned back to rummage through the cupboards, before freezing as realization struck him. _No fucking way._

 

“No fucking way!” from behind him. “Please, _please_ tell me your soulmark is something other than 'Nice ass.'”

 

 _Huh. Soulmate._ Tony tugged down the waistband of his boxer-briefs to reveal the two words high on his right ass cheek. “That your handwriting?”

 

“Uh-huh. I was going to give you shit for the location and phrasing of my soulmark, but now I'm thinking I pretty much deserved it.”

 

“You're not wrong,” Tony replied dryly, turning around to get a better look. She was gorgeous. Bright blue eyes, curves for days, lush pink mouth, and she wouldn't be taller than him even in heels. Plus she was in the private Avengers part of the Tower, meaning she's qualified to work for SI _and_ passed the stringent security check. Therefore she's not an idiot, an industrial spy, a reporter, an assassin, a criminal or buckets o'crazy, which put her head and shoulders above like 90% of the people Tony's slept with. There had to be _some_ kind of catch. “You got any other soulmates?”

 

“My darling platonic Jane. She's my science wife. You?”

 

“Uh-uh. And you kept me waiting a damn long time, Pinup.”

 

“I'm twenty-two years old, Tin Man, if you're gonna go for the chick who's half your age you have to wait for her to grow up.”

 

“Hey, this wasn't _my_ idea. This is down to the mysteries of the universe.” He took a moment to check her out again now that she was standing and he could do a full head-to-toe. “Although clearly, the universe knows what it's doing.”

 

She starts giggling. “How much did you drink?”

 

“One or two...bottles. Of scotch.”

 

“Starting....?”

 

Tony considered. “That depends. What day is it?”

 

“Tuesday.”

 

“Oh. Since Sunday afternoon.”

 

“Okay, well I guess I don't have to worry about alcohol poisoning. JARVIS babe, when's the last time Mr. Wizard here had anything to eat?”

 

“ _He had a green smoothie at 11:53 p.m. Monday, Miss Darcy.”_

 

“Uh-huh, and when did he last have real food?”

 

“ _He had pizza with Dr. Banner on Sunday night.”_

 

His soulmate rolled her eyes. “Ugh. _Scientists_. And when did he sleep last, and for how long?”

 

“ _He slept for ten hours and woke at 1:29 p.m. on Sunday.”_

 

“Sit. I'm going to make you Eggs Benedict, you're going to eat, and then you're going to go to bed before you pass out, hit your head on something, and dent your genius brain.”

 

Tony sat. “You're _very_ bossy,” he complains.

 

“You need it. _Clearly_.”

 

“But we're gonna have sex, right?”

 

“ _Duh.”_

 

“Okay then. Boss me up.” Tony flashed her his best panty-melting smile.

 

“Okay, I know you are trying to come off sexy, or at least charming, but it's more 'drunk puppy.' Maybe try again tomorrow.”

 

 _Dammit._ “Will do.”

 

The Eggs Benedict she served him had avocado and tomato slices as well as the more traditional ham and buttered english muffin, but it was so good he wasn't willing to complain about the stealth fruit. He had a feeling that would be a standard theme with his soulmate, because when he asked her, “Are you trying to make me live longer?” her response was a snort and a sarcastic,

 

“ _Duh.”_

 

 


End file.
